I know we suck as a Live TV, i apologize. I told you some time ago i had had a fight with Bea and then i was already having another one before actually saying I had survived the first one. Well, things have been hot as hell ever since, and it’s not just the summer.
Our problems didn’t actually stop, or they did but only to resurface.
however, certain things, unbeknownst to the lot of us, were actually
coming together, certain forces were accumulating, going somewhere, and
gaining momentum. In other words, I saw a series of fights come one
after the other, with me as the center of hatred, and figured they were
independent form each other and wouldn’t mean anything in the long run.
That problems were being addressed as they surfaced and sooner or later,
we’ld kinda have gone through most of them and that we would then stop
fighting. But as fights stopped with me, they began somewhere else, with
L. And I just thought it was part of the same dotting the i’s and
crossing the t’s process, that issues that came to light with me could
also lead to useful discussion and
friction elsewhere. All beneficial and constructive.
I was wrong. As
me and B stopped fighting, L and B began a fight that opened up before
them like the majestic gates of an ancient labyrinth—shit that had to
come from Greece or Mycenæ. And as they walked in, I thought I
saw a confident gaze in their eyes, even optimistic. Only later did it
dawn on us that only one of them would make it out.
I don't believe this to be something that happens exclusively with B and
L in this specific context. I realize as i write, that every time we
enter a fight with one of the partners we are actually walking into this
kind of maze. A labyrinth of despair, complex and daunting, where there
are in fact many ways to escape alone but very few to walk out
together. And still, the objective is to escape, like in any other
labyrinth. It is merely our obsession with what we've had and would
never want to lose what makes us irreverent towards the labyrinth
itself. Disrespectful before its ancient walls. Like any labyrinth, it
has much to teach us, and like all labyrinths, it pits us against
ourselves. And we're tough foes.
When defeated, the labrynth quickly lets go of us, but whatever we
shared with our partner when entering its dark tunnels is no more.
Small quarrels are probably not comparable to the scenario of near
apocalypse that i here portray, and indeed not all minor disagreement
will show us the end of the world. But every now and then, and perhaps
unexpectedly so, the gates of the labyrinth reveal themselves and we are
not forced but compelled to enter.
When B and L entered the labyrinth they did not do so unknowingly.
Perhaps they suspected... but they couldn't know for sure. I do believe
they could feel the blood of the fallen reeking from under their steps
and they knew this was a place where one comes to change. So it comes to
mind that maybe that's what they wanted. They wanted to change, or not
stop changing, they wanted to follow the flow of what they had, and
called relationship. When this flow became a waterfall, there was
nothing they could have done.
War broke out.
Now, for good or for bad, I don’t speak to M much. It’s not something I
do Intentionally, I’m just not good at bonding with males and M is a
quiet kinda dude, so of course he doesn’t make it any easier for me.
Anyway, our mutually confortable silence has only been broken once, as M
asked me if I wanted help to get things back on their feet with B,
during the first fight. This war was not another exception. We didn't
talk to each other at all. Not once, not one word. I figure we were both
too busy feeling horrified with the display of bloodshed we were
witnessing. Either way, I didn't like it how we abandoned each other. We
didn't have any business talking it out, perhaps. But I couldn't help
but wonder if this could not be done better by actually picking up the
phone and giving each other a distress call (Over a flashy red lit-up
80's telephone, if you want).
Or maybe this conflict, this war, was something we had to stay out of, it was not our quarrel to quell.
But of course we were there anyway, we could hear them fighting next
door, though in a distorted and childish kind of way, like your parents
yelling in the next room, where the specifics escape you and all you get
are the occasional “all your fault”.
Nobody will ever know what
happened. The first diplomatic incident, kind of like for the Second
World War, was a proxy incident. B was not feeling in the mood for sex,
but Venice was all romantic and such, and we had some conservative fun.
Then B told L and M she didn’t want to have anything to do with sex
anymore, and then I told L and M the kinky Venice story.
L called foul arguing a double standard, B said she hadn’t exactly meant
a few things she had said. Or she had but not in the way L had
understood them. The rest was one misunderstanding after another. A
carnival, a whole World Fair of mutual incomprehension. In conversations
with us (for I know M had the same job I did at the time: HQ adviser)
said all kindsa contradictory stuff. They contradicted not only each
other in what had been said and suggested, but also themselves. In a
matter of a week none of them were making sense anymore, and the more
upset they got, the less precisely they could put together an argument.
So they panicked. They were so pissed off at each other that panic is
the only thing I could describe things as. Few days later, all diplomats
were called in, and the war had ended. Everybody lost, ties were
severed, all messaging pigeons to be seen flying anywhere the no
trespassing zone would be shot at upon sight. It was a nightmare. And
not because they were all stressed up and shit, but because WE had to
put up with their shit.
And... well the story of this conflict sort of extends itself like a
Star WArs Saga (books included), so suffice it to say, that the axis did
B and L are no more. B and M are still around and so are M and L. B and
me are having potato chips as we speak, and L and me just put the
italian polyamorous website in third place on the Google ranking.
Uhm... everybody is full of questions. Nobody's asking them, but I know
whoever is not 30cm under sand somewhere in the coasts of Sardinia is
asking themselves a thing or two. How are L and M gonna meet now, when B
is part of the house's cats army? And what about me and L are we still
gonna be bff's? oh and, why should we care about yet another Spider Man
movie, that's just like the previous one?
All this and more, we ask, but while answers escape us, we can only set the kettle, and brew fresh love flavoured iced tea.
Post-apocalyptic polymers to everyone.
I'm Leu, and I'm still standing :p